The Basic Rules

Drink 1 shot when:

• A crystal skull is used to ward away plot holes.

• Harrison Ford makes a joke about his age.

• You see a computer generated animal and think you are watching a Pixar film.

• A character suddenly furthers the plot exposition with inexplicable knowledge.

• You see an English actor reciting unplayable and nonsensical exposition instead of dialog.

• Indiana Jones helps the bad guys without much argument.

• You recognize an "amusing" reference to the previous 3 films (this includes, but is not limited to: direct quotation of lines, props, repeated shots or repeated actions.)

• You recognize a scene from The Mummy, The Mummy Returns.
  

Drink 2 shots when:

• You recognize a scene from Indiana Jones and the Saucer Men from Mars, a script by George Lucas and Jeb Stuart (synopsis here, script here.)

• The words "saucer men from mars" actually get spoken in dialog.

There is no question that this is an endurance event. Even those with high tolerance will be thoroughly toasted within the first hour. For those who are not hardened alcoholics, please try to avoid alcohol poisoning.

Addition suggestions for new rules are welcome.

The Optional Rules

Drink 1 shot for each of the following:

• You are forced to remember why Karen Allen hasn't been in a movie in 30 years (and you are puzzled as to why she acts more stoned and drunk than she did after either of the drinking contests in Raiders of the Lost Ark.)

• You see a fake looking computer generated inanimate object (this includes backgrounds, explosions, walls, rocks, trees, etc. - one shot per shot; with about 450 CG shots to choose from some are seamless, some are not...)

• Someone escapes a certain death without a scratch, just because they're needed in the next scene.

• There is a daytime soap opera plot device (characters are "unexpectedly" related, characters get married, telepathy, people you thought were dead return, etc.)

• Someone in the audience involuntarily groans.

• You think you are watching bad fan fiction.

Finish the bottle when...

• You give up trying to figure out why Steven Spielberg is stealing ideas and techniques from Ed Wood rather than, umm... Steven Spielberg.

• And you resign yourself to the fact that this is just another classic George Lucas idea.
  

Just for the record...

Why is this film so bad that it requires copious amounts of alcohol to get through?

It's lazy sloppy filmmaking at it's laziest and sloppiest by a couple of billionaires with contempt for their audience. There is no excuse because they should know better. To quote Lawrence Kasdan's Raiders of the Lost Ark screenplay:

"It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage."

Or to put it another way: it's not the aliens or the computer effects, George, it's the script.